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Monday, February 18, 2013

If you call me a “hippy,” you’re telling me I have big hips. Call me a “hippie” instead, please.

I'm pretty sure nobody wants to hire someone who sends out emails filled with basic spelling errors.    And I mean I know I’m a total nerd, but [before I met a man with exceptional grammar] I personally was always super turned off by boys who sent me emails riddled with bad spelling.  Such a buzz-kill.  Here are some SUPER COMMON errors that send me into cursing fits:

1. There’s no such word as “definately.”  It’s definitely. There is no “a” in the word.

2.  If you call someone a “hippy,” you’re saying that he/she has big hips.  If you want to insinuate that the person wears too many floral patterns and too much Patchouli and really needs to move on from that Grateful Dead phase, you should call the person a “hippie.”

3. It drives me nuts when people tell me to “breath.”  It is literally physically impossible for me to “breath.”  I can “take a breath.”  The word “breath” is a noun.  But if we’re talking about the verb, like the act of taking air into my overworked lungs, that word has an “e” on the end of it – “breathe.”  Like, “Sometimes I get so incensed about bad grammar that I can hardly breathe.”

4. Its/It’s. I know this one is tricky because unlike lots of other words with apostrophes, THE WORD “IT’S” IS NOT POSSESSIVE. EVER.  The word “it’s” ONLY can be used as a contraction of “it is” or “it has.”  If you’re talking about something that belongs to “it,” you’re talking about “its belonging.”  Like, “It’s [it is] not ok for the American populace to rely upon spell-check to fix its mistakes, because spell-check can’t tell the difference between its and it’s.”

5.  ALOT is not a word.  It’s two stinkin’ words – “a lot.”

6.  If you can’t find something, you didn’t “loose” it.  You can’t “loose” something.  Ever.  You can “lose” it.  “Lose” is a verb.”  “Loose” is an adjective, and it refers to hookers, clothing, and fixtures.  And lots of other things.  But it’s always an adjective, i.e. “You are going to lose your job if you can’t tighten up your loose hold on basic grammar.” 

This is all I can write about today, because I’ve already raised my blood pressure too much just thinking about these things.  Now I need a Mojito and it’s only 11AM.  At least it’s a holiday. 


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