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Monday, February 25, 2013

The Oscars are a sham. This is my (much better) list.

The Oscars are a sham – always have been.  It’s just a bunch of self-congratulatory rich people giving prezzies to their other favorite rich people.  The fact that Melancholia (one of the best movies I’ve ever seen) wasn’t even NOMINATED for best picture in 2012 just proves that if you’re not in the clique – and Lars von Trier certainly is NOT in the clique – you will get no recognition from the Academy.  The only good thing about the Oscars is the outfits, and I don’t know why we are all so eager to look at clothes we could never even afford.  I’d rather see clothes that are in my budget.  Show me the most gorgeous outfit from Forever 21 and I’m all in. 

Anyway, in an effort to recognize the ACTUAL best movies of the year, here are my (entirely inadequately informed) opinions on the movies that SHOULD have been selected:

WINNER - "Beasts of the Southern Wild" – every moment of this film was luminous and unique.  Nothing compared to it.  Not even Lincoln, which comes a close second in my book.
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Zero Dark Thirty"
"Les Miserables" – admittedly, I haven’t seen this.  Anne Hathaway’s mouth is just too much for me.
"Life of Pi" – admittedly, I haven’t seen this either.  I’m not a fan of films that use exotic animals for entertainment (and four real tigers were used in this film, although most of the tiger shots were CGI)
"Amour" – haven’t seen this either.  Looks like a beating. 
"Django Unchained"
"Argo" – great film, but not as good as Lincon and Beasts. 
Additional nominee: Moonrise Kingdom.  Duh.  How did this not get any major nominations?

WINNER - Daniel Day Lewis, "Lincoln" – this one has to be a tie.  In my own Oscars, I can have ties!  That’s one of the benefits of having my own Oscars!  I can’t pick between these two exquisite performances.
WINNER - Joaquin Phoenix, "The Master"
Denzel Washington, "Flight"
Hugh Jackman, "Les Miserables"
Bradley Cooper, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Additional nominees: the kid from Moonrise Kingdom, and and Ed Norton.

WINNER - Naomi Watts, "The Impossible" – Also a tie!!!  Jennifer L was good, But Naomi and Quvenzhane were brillz.
WINNER - Quvenzhané Wallis, "Beasts of the Southern Wild" – This little girl gave me chills for two hours straight.
Jessica Chastain, "Zero Dark Thirty"
Jennifer Lawrence, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Emmanuelle Riva, "Amour"
Additional nominee: the girl from Moonrise Kingdom.

WINNER - Tommy Lee Jones, "Lincoln"- the others were all incredible, but Tommy was epic.
Christoph Waltz, "Django Unchained"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "The Master"
Robert De Niro, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Alan Arkin, "Argo"

Best Supporting Actress:
WINNER - Jackie Weaver, "Silver Linings Playbook" – brilliant performance.  And Sally Field was just too old to play Mrs. Lincoln.  Amy Adams was annoying as always.  And I can’t look at Anne Hathaway’s mouth for too long.  Helen Hunt was brillz in The Sessions, so that would’ve been my second choice. 
Sally Field, "Lincoln"
Anne Hathaway, "Les Miserables"
Helen Hunt, "The Sessions"
Amy Adams, "The Master"

Best Director:
WINNER - Steven Spielberg, "Lincoln" – let’s give this man some credit for making a timeless film.
David O. Russell, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Ang Lee, "Life of Pi"
Michael Haneke, "Amour"
Benh Zeitlin, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

So that’s my list.  And I can say objectively that it’s better than the Academy’s.  

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