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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

How to Self-Publish


Hello my friends! This is a compilation of the five blog posts I wrote on how to self-publish, step-by-step.  Hope they help!

If you’re going to self-publish, the first thing you need to find is someone to print your masterpiece, right? Lucky for you, the print-on-demand business is booming. All the motivated, prolific li’l writers out there are tired of banging on the doors of the creaking-in-its-casket publishing industry. Newly-written books are languishing tragically, gathering the proverbial dust. So, there you are, brushing off the proverbial dust, giving the proverbial finger to all the agents who turned down your brilliant book, and screaming at your computer, “FINE, I WILL DO IT MYSELF.” You look so cute when you’re mad!

Now, down to brass tacks: There are a lot of companies out there that want your self-pub business, which is extraordinary considering that the VAST majority of self-published authors will never sell more than 200 copies of their books. But for the Print-On-Demand printing houses, that’s about $1,000 of revenue per customer, which isn’t bad if they have a big pile of customers.
 

How do you decide which P.O.D. house to use? You could go with a small local one – there are plenty of those – but personally I don’t recommend it because they don’t have a direct line to the major online selling platforms like Amazon.com.
 

I’m sure there are other sites that are just as good (feel free to email me your experiences), but I can only tell you what I know about two of the most popular P.O.D. websites: Lulu (www.lulu.com) and Createspace (www.createspace.com). This is a great simple article that lays out some of the pros and cons of each:
 http://www.publetariat.com/publish/lu... . 

Personally, I went with Createspace and I was very happy with it. Here are my reasons for choosing Createspace:
1. Createspace is Amazon’s self-publishing arm. This means that it’s SUPER easy to get your book on Amazon once it’s finished. And believe me, YOU WANT YOUR BOOK ON AMAZON. That’s where I do about 99% of my sales. Anyone who hears about your book will look for it on Amazon, so you’re at a major disadvantage if it’s not there. Lulu books get on Amazon as well, but I’ve read that it takes slightly longer to accomplish this.
 
2. It’s free (so is Lulu)
3. Customer service was great (I’ve read otherwise about Lulu, but let me know if you think I’m wrong).

Createspace will keep about 30% of the book’s list price (the exact amount depends on how long your book is, and whether it’s full-color). This is a good deal, considering there’s NO cost to you for printing. Plus, you pick your own list price! If you want to make a lot of $$, you can sell your book for 20 bucks, although nobody aside from your parents and your BFF likes you enough to pay 20 bucks for your self-published book.
 

Createspace will get your book on Amazon.com, which takes another 40% of the list price. So, what this means in practical terms is that you have to set your list price at a minimum of about $7.50 just to be able to cover Amazon’s share and Createspace’s share. This sounds like a lot, and it is, but remember, someone out there just printed hundreds of pages and a glossy cover for you at no cost to yourself.
 

I set my list price at $7.99 because I don’t care about making money – I just want people to read the book. I recommend this path unless you’re convinced you’ll have a big readership. You can also change your list price whenever you want. So you can start out selling your book for 20 bucks (which give you about $18 profit per sale), and then when your parents and BFF have already purchased the book and nobody else will, you can lower it to $7.99 (which gives you about 50 cents profit per sale) and then people who like you, but not quite as much, will buy it.
 

One thing I have learned for sure: The closer your product is to “FREE,” the more you will sell. I didn’t believe this at first, but it turns out to be true.
 

I’ll post next time about what you need to do to get your documents ON the Createspace interface.
To anyone still reading, I think you are the bees knees. Fuzzy cutest knees ever!


I have the tech savvy of a squirrel. Computers make my brain hurt, and technological issues quash my soul. But even one as technologically small-brained as myself can format and upload docs to self-pub sites like Createspace. Those sites offer paid services (Createspace’s service is $249) that will do the formatting for you, but I think that’s a waste of money. Here’s what you need to do:

First, pick your fonts. Someone advised me that for paper books (as opposed to e-books), you should use serif fonts. I went with Cambria for the body of the book, and Futura for the chapter headings. Other fonts that were suggested to me: Palatino, Garamond, Baskerville, Caslon, Minion, FF Scala… I went with 1.25 line spacing, which looks nice on paper, but if your book is super long, you could go with 1.15.
 

Second, format the book. You’ll want a blank page (front and back) before the title page, copyright info on the back of the title page (keep in mind that you’ll be using 2-sided pages when you format). Then if you have a dedication, you can throw that in. You will then need a blank page on the back of the dedication page so that your first chapter starts on the right side of the book.
 

Createspace has templates that tell you the margins you’ll need in order for your book to look good on the page. I found that I needed more space than was recommended in order for the page numbers not to be partially cut off on the bottom of the page. You’ll also need a “gutter,” which allows for the extra room on the side of the page where the book is bound. My book was 5X8, and the margins I used were:
 
Top: .75
Bottom: .85
Right: .5
Left: .5
Gutter: .3

Once your book looks great, you’ll need to save it as a PDF. Then you can upload it to the Createspace website! After you upload your cover art (which I’ll talk about in mah next blog), you’ll be asked to order a “Proof” copy of the book, and if there are any formatting problems you can fix them ASAP. It takes about 5-7 days for the proof to arrive, during which time you’ll be staring out the window constantly waiting for the mail man to arrive with your precious proof package, but I can tell you that you shouldn’t even start your mail vigil until 4 days after you order the proof. You’ll just be tormenting yourself.
 

I gotta say – my Createspace-printed book looks fabulous. Super professional, good color on the cover, pages clean and well-cut.
 

You are delightful. Have a cookie. Head south for the winter. Mwah!

Hi friends! You have such a rosy glow from all your Thanksgiving indulgences! It becomes you. Now down to bizness: 

Once you have your book formatted properly (see my last post), there are a few other things you’ll need to do before your book can be published. Namely, you’ll need to buy an ISBN, create your cover art, copyright your book, and decide how rich you want to become. So, here’s a li’l how-to guide for each of these:

ISBN: The official U.S. ISBN-selling agency is
 www.myidentifiers.com, and it’s super easy to buy an ISBN on that website. It’ll cost you $125, but that’ll be just about your only cost for self-publishing. 

Copyright: You can upload your book directly to the U.S. Copyright Office website athttps://eco.copyright.gov/. You’ll have to register a username and password and then follow the instructions, which aren’t entirely straightforward, but I was able to figure them out, so I reckon that means that just about anybody can do it. Your book copyright will cost you $35.
 

Cover Art: With Createspace, you have a few options. You can use their free “Cover Creator” athttps://www.createspace.com/Special/H...
 (You may have to create an account with a username and password in order to view this page). I didn’t use the Cover Creator, so I can’t say whether that’s an easy tool to use. Alternatively, you can have someone design your cover for you, and you can get a template for your chosen book size online (my paperback is 5X8, which is a great size for a paperback). On this page, you enter your book dimensions, you’ll be provided the template:https://www.createspace.com/Help/Book.... Another FANTASTIC option is to use CrowdSpring (http://www.crowdspring.com/). On this website, you enter the name and synopsis of your book, how much you can pay a designer, and then designers COMPETE to win the right to design your cover! Designers will submit artwork for your review, and you pick the best one! If my fabulously talented friend John hadn’t been willing to design my book for me, I would’ve used Crowdspring. 

Royalties: The good news is that you can choose your cover price! So, if you want to make a zillion dollars, you can set your list price at $100,000 per book, and you will be rich if you can find a sucker who will pay your price! However, one thing I’ve learned is that the CHEAPER your book is, the MORE you will sell. So, I recommend setting your book price as low as possible. If you want to use Createspace to sell on Amazon, you should be aware that Createspace is going to take the first five and a half bucks per sale (they’re printing the whol thing, so this is reasonable), and then Amazon will take an additional dollar and a half (ish). So, for example, my book is priced at $7.99. If I sell a book directly from the Createspace website (www.createspace.com), I get paid $2.21. If, however, I sell from Amazon (which is where I do the VAST majority of my sales), I only get paid 61 cents. This is fine with me, because I have MORE than paid my costs for publishing the book, and I’d rather sell lots of books than make lots of money. That’s a personal choice, and you might make a different one. But since most self-published authors never sell more than 200 copies, and I wanted to sell a LOT more than 200 copies, I figured I’d do everything I could to make that happen. And it worked.
 

Createspace will walk you through the steps for uploading your ISBN and cover art and selecting royalties. Now you are ready to publish, YAY!!!!! DO IT!!!! Your book will be available the next day on Createspace, but it might take a week or two for it to show up on Amazon. Be patient – it’s cominnggggggg!!!!!

Next week I’ll write about how to publish to Kindle, Nook, iPhone, etc… Til then, have fun being you.

Today is one of those days when I am loving that my book is out there, self-pub style. Sold about 10 books in the last few days, got some superpositive feedback from another reader, and I feel powerful like volcano. Like bull. Like bull-shaped volcano. 

So, your turn: Here are some tips for getting your brilliant new manuscript onto Kindle/Nook/iPhone, etc.
 

First, let me say that I didn’t use BookBaby (www.bookbaby.com), but I hear good things about it. I’ve used their partner site, CdBaby, for the digital distribution of my albums, and they’ve been great. For $99, BookBaby will convert your book to ePub, and it’ll get your book on Nook, Kindle, Sony eReader, and Apple iBookstore. If I were starting this process again from scratch, I’d use BookBaby even though I got my book on those sites for free. I think BookBaby would save a fair amount of time, plus ALL your digital sales are managed from one source. So, if you can spare the $99, I recommend Bookbaby. Here’s a list of prices for additional services like cover art, use of graphics, etc:http://www.bookbaby.com/pricing
 

If you wanna save some money, you can do it the way I did: You can upload directly to Kindle and Nook. People can put the Kindle file on their iPhones as well. Here’s how to upload to each site:

Kindle: Go to Kindle Direct Publishing (kdp):
 https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishin.... Get a username and password. Go to “Add New Title,” and enter the relevant info. Then you’ll have to choose your rights and pricing. Most of the time, your proceeds will be 70% of whatever your list price is, and you can choose your own list price. However, if you price your book BELOW $2.99, you’ll receive only 35% of the list price. 

Nook: Go to
 http://pubit.barnesandnoble.com/pubit.... Again, go to “Add a Title,” enter the info, and pick your royalties. 

The best advice I can offer here is for you to price your book as LOW as possible. I started off selling my eBook at $2.99, which I thought was SUPER cheap, and I sold a decent number. But when I lowered the price to 99 cents, my sales LITERALLY DOUBLED. I think that people perceive 99 cents as almost free – it’s almost no money – so they’re willing to give away that amount of almost-no-money-at-all.
 

If anyone disagrees with any of this advice I’ve been puttin’ out there, please let me know! By no means is my method the only one, or even the best one – I’m just telling you how I went about self-publishing because I found it easy and rewarding. Next week I’ll offer some suggestions for marketing your book, and I would LOVE to know what suggestions YOU have!
 

I’ll be honest: promoting a self-published book sucks. Local bookstores don’t want your book unless you get articles in local magazines/newspapers. And newspapers/magazines treat self-published authors like dirty beggars. This will change in time, but for now, self-publishing requires a massive dose of self-confidence, a lot of outside-the-box marketing efforts, and a ridiculous amount of hard work. I haven’t cracked the code yet on how to make mahself filthy rich, but I’ve done a few things that were successful. Part of me wanted to keep these successful efforts close to my chest, so that other people wouldn’t start doing what I’m doing and thereby dilute the power and uniqueness of my efforts. But then I realized that if I didn’t share my ideas, I’d be as much of a dickwad as the newspaper editors who don’t want to help self-published authors. So, here are my suggestions for self-pub book marketing. And please please PLEASE feel free to suggest other ideas – I need them!

1. Goodreads is phenomenal for self-promotion. You can offer your book as a “Giveaway,” and people will sign up to receive your book for free. Each time I sign up for a “Shadow Swans” giveaway, about 500 people apply for the free book, and about 100 of those people put my book on their “to-read” shelves. That’s great exposure, and only costs me one paperback copy plus postage. Once the giveaway is over, I write to the people who didn’t win the giveaway to tell them that my Kindle book is only 99 cents, and they can find that here:
 http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Swans-eb... (see how I just threw in my own self-promotion there?  

2. Self-promote relentlessly. Make a list of every email address you have, friends, family, and coworkers, and send a note to all of those people with a short summary of your novel, a couple of impressive press quotes, and links where the book can be purchased online. I sold a few hundred copies right off the bat with that kind of email.
 

3. Author talks: as I mentioned, a lot of bookstores won’t want anything to do with you. BUT, your high school will be willing to hold an author talk for you. I sold a lot of books at an author talk at my high school, and it’s a fantastically supportive audience. Also community centers will host author talks. You can also do author talks in peoples’ homes.
 

4. Libraries: Most libraries will stock a copy of your book if you send it to them. This is a great way to get exposure and costs you next to nothing.
 

5. MOST IMPORTANTLY, network! I’m still working on this portion. I’m trying to meet anyone I can who works in publishing (if you work in publishing, please email me at laurabama@hotmail.com - I want to talk to you!). I want to meet magazine writers, book editors, bloggers. I’m signing up for writers’ conferences where I can meet publishers and editors and other writers.
 

I can vouch for the success of the first 4 things, and I’m hoping that #5 will take me even further than the first 4. Keep your fingers crossed for me. And your toes. Legs. Arms. Eyes, maybe even? Cross it all. I need it. And if you work in publishing, holla!!!!

Monday, April 8, 2013

In which I reveal the rock under which I have been hiding


Hi!  I’ve been hiding.  Not because I don’t love you, my invisible (and no doubt multitudinous) readers, but because I’ve been finishing my album!  Since many of you supported my Indiegogo campaign to get the album funded, I figured I’d use my blog to give an update on the album status.  So, here goes. 

We’ve mixed all but one of the tracks on the album, which I think I’ll entitle “little bones.” 

So that means we’re close – like really close – to finishing the mixing process.  I know it’s taken a while but we wanted to get it right!  The album’s brilliant producer John Clement has worked tirelessly to get these songs to sound both rich and simple, folky without being cheesy, effective without being melodramatic.  He’s really nailed it.  

So, in the next couple of weeks we’ll be ready to send the tracks to a mastering studio.  Meanwhile the lovely Theresa Previ will come up with an album cover for the ages. 

Those things will take another couple of weeks, and then we’ll send the whole shebang to Discmakers, who will print it all up into a pretty package.  And then I will send it out to those of you who pre-ordered!  I thank you many times and more for your patience!  It is coming!! 

For those of you who didn’t pre-order – I’ll be gettin’ the album up on CDBaby (hard copies) and iTunes  and all the other websites (for digital sales) as soon as it’s ready.  That’ll take yet another few weeks. 

So the upshot is that the album will be all done-like in May-ish, and then it’ll be available to the public in June-ish, and then the Album Release Party is July 17 at Rockwood in NYC, and you betta all come!  Can’t wait! 

ex oh ex oh etc.

Monday, February 25, 2013

The Oscars are a sham. This is my (much better) list.



The Oscars are a sham – always have been.  It’s just a bunch of self-congratulatory rich people giving prezzies to their other favorite rich people.  The fact that Melancholia (one of the best movies I’ve ever seen) wasn’t even NOMINATED for best picture in 2012 just proves that if you’re not in the clique – and Lars von Trier certainly is NOT in the clique – you will get no recognition from the Academy.  The only good thing about the Oscars is the outfits, and I don’t know why we are all so eager to look at clothes we could never even afford.  I’d rather see clothes that are in my budget.  Show me the most gorgeous outfit from Forever 21 and I’m all in. 

Anyway, in an effort to recognize the ACTUAL best movies of the year, here are my (entirely inadequately informed) opinions on the movies that SHOULD have been selected:

BEST PICTURE:
WINNER - "Beasts of the Southern Wild" – every moment of this film was luminous and unique.  Nothing compared to it.  Not even Lincoln, which comes a close second in my book.
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Zero Dark Thirty"
"Lincoln"
"Les Miserables" – admittedly, I haven’t seen this.  Anne Hathaway’s mouth is just too much for me.
"Life of Pi" – admittedly, I haven’t seen this either.  I’m not a fan of films that use exotic animals for entertainment (and four real tigers were used in this film, although most of the tiger shots were CGI)
"Amour" – haven’t seen this either.  Looks like a beating. 
"Django Unchained"
"Argo" – great film, but not as good as Lincon and Beasts. 
Additional nominee: Moonrise Kingdom.  Duh.  How did this not get any major nominations?

BEST ACTOR
WINNER - Daniel Day Lewis, "Lincoln" – this one has to be a tie.  In my own Oscars, I can have ties!  That’s one of the benefits of having my own Oscars!  I can’t pick between these two exquisite performances.
WINNER - Joaquin Phoenix, "The Master"
Denzel Washington, "Flight"
Hugh Jackman, "Les Miserables"
Bradley Cooper, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Additional nominees: the kid from Moonrise Kingdom, and and Ed Norton.

BEST ACTRESS
WINNER - Naomi Watts, "The Impossible" – Also a tie!!!  Jennifer L was good, But Naomi and Quvenzhane were brillz.
WINNER - Quvenzhané Wallis, "Beasts of the Southern Wild" – This little girl gave me chills for two hours straight.
Jessica Chastain, "Zero Dark Thirty"
Jennifer Lawrence, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Emmanuelle Riva, "Amour"
Additional nominee: the girl from Moonrise Kingdom.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
WINNER - Tommy Lee Jones, "Lincoln"- the others were all incredible, but Tommy was epic.
Christoph Waltz, "Django Unchained"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "The Master"
Robert De Niro, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Alan Arkin, "Argo"

Best Supporting Actress:
WINNER - Jackie Weaver, "Silver Linings Playbook" – brilliant performance.  And Sally Field was just too old to play Mrs. Lincoln.  Amy Adams was annoying as always.  And I can’t look at Anne Hathaway’s mouth for too long.  Helen Hunt was brillz in The Sessions, so that would’ve been my second choice. 
Sally Field, "Lincoln"
Anne Hathaway, "Les Miserables"
Helen Hunt, "The Sessions"
Amy Adams, "The Master"

Best Director:
WINNER - Steven Spielberg, "Lincoln" – let’s give this man some credit for making a timeless film.
David O. Russell, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Ang Lee, "Life of Pi"
Michael Haneke, "Amour"
Benh Zeitlin, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

So that’s my list.  And I can say objectively that it’s better than the Academy’s.  

Monday, February 18, 2013

If you call me a “hippy,” you’re telling me I have big hips. Call me a “hippie” instead, please.


I'm pretty sure nobody wants to hire someone who sends out emails filled with basic spelling errors.    And I mean I know I’m a total nerd, but [before I met a man with exceptional grammar] I personally was always super turned off by boys who sent me emails riddled with bad spelling.  Such a buzz-kill.  Here are some SUPER COMMON errors that send me into cursing fits:

1. There’s no such word as “definately.”  It’s definitely. There is no “a” in the word.

2.  If you call someone a “hippy,” you’re saying that he/she has big hips.  If you want to insinuate that the person wears too many floral patterns and too much Patchouli and really needs to move on from that Grateful Dead phase, you should call the person a “hippie.”

3. It drives me nuts when people tell me to “breath.”  It is literally physically impossible for me to “breath.”  I can “take a breath.”  The word “breath” is a noun.  But if we’re talking about the verb, like the act of taking air into my overworked lungs, that word has an “e” on the end of it – “breathe.”  Like, “Sometimes I get so incensed about bad grammar that I can hardly breathe.”

4. Its/It’s. I know this one is tricky because unlike lots of other words with apostrophes, THE WORD “IT’S” IS NOT POSSESSIVE. EVER.  The word “it’s” ONLY can be used as a contraction of “it is” or “it has.”  If you’re talking about something that belongs to “it,” you’re talking about “its belonging.”  Like, “It’s [it is] not ok for the American populace to rely upon spell-check to fix its mistakes, because spell-check can’t tell the difference between its and it’s.”

5.  ALOT is not a word.  It’s two stinkin’ words – “a lot.”

6.  If you can’t find something, you didn’t “loose” it.  You can’t “loose” something.  Ever.  You can “lose” it.  “Lose” is a verb.”  “Loose” is an adjective, and it refers to hookers, clothing, and fixtures.  And lots of other things.  But it’s always an adjective, i.e. “You are going to lose your job if you can’t tighten up your loose hold on basic grammar.” 

This is all I can write about today, because I’ve already raised my blood pressure too much just thinking about these things.  Now I need a Mojito and it’s only 11AM.  At least it’s a holiday. 

xo

Monday, January 21, 2013

What to eat on a Low-FODMAP diet: Grilled Polenta with Morel Vinaigrette and Garlic Lime Shrimp - recipe


Broiled Polenta with Morel Vinaigrette and Garlic Lime Shrimp

This recipe is SUPER low in FODMAPS, and it is an unbelievably delicious party dish, easy to serve to lots of people (thanks to Deny Soto for passing me the base recipe, which I’ve modified a little).  It takes about an hour to cook everything. but note that you need to make the polenta early and let it chill for a few hours before doing final steps.  

(NOTE: This is a modified, lower-FODMAP version of this recipe - http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/grilled-polenta-with-morel-vinaigrette-recipe/index.html)

Polenta Ingredients:
Earth Balance butter substitute (which is dairy-free), for greasing pan
8 cups chicken stock or veggie stock
2 cups raw polenta
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
1 cup fresh or frozen corn kernels
1 cup freshly grated lactose-free Parmesan cheese (or any similar lactose-free cheese, or you can skip this altogether)
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley leaves, plus more for garnish
1/4 cup olive oil
Salt and freshly ground pepper

Polenta Directions:
-Generously grease a large shallow baking dish and set aside. In a large saucepan, bring the chicken or veggie stock to a boil. Slowly pour in the polenta and the salt, whisking constantly with a wire whisk. Reduce the heat to low and cook, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon until thickened and smooth, about 20 to 25 minutes. Fold in the corn, lactose-free cheese, and parsley. Pour the mixture into the prepared baking dish. Cover and chill in the refrigerator at least 4 hours or overnight.
-Brush with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Broil polenta until browned. Grill on both sides until golden brown. Cut into squares. Arrange the polenta squares on a platter, add two shrimp (see below recipe) to each square, and spoon the vinaigrette (see below recipe) over. Sprinkle with chopped parsley.

Morel Vinaigrette Ingredients:
1/4 cup aged sherry vinegar
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon walnut oil
3/4 cup pure olive oil
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1/2 pound morel mushrooms, washed thoroughly and dried (Note that mushrooms are listed as high FODMAP, but they’re ok for me in small doses.  You might want to only use a FEW of these mushrooms, and chop them up super fine after they’re sautéed, so you still get the taste without too many FODMAPS J)

Morel Vinaigrette Directions:
In a blender, blend the vinegar and mustard until smooth. With the motor running, slowly add the walnut oil and 1/2 cup of the olive oil until emulsified. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Pour into a medium bowl and set aside.
Heat the remaining 1/4 cup of oil in a large saute pan over high heat. Add the mushrooms and cook until golden brown. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Remove the mushrooms from the heat and coarsely chop them. Fold the mushrooms into the vinaigrette. Spoon the vinaigrette over the grilled polenta and shrimp.
NOTE: It’s delicious to add a blended shallot to this recipe if you can handle a little bit of FODMAPS. 

GARLIC AND LIME SHRIMP

(Shrimp recipe is a modified, lower-FODMAP version of this - http://www.food.com/recipe/chilis-spicy-garlic-lime-shrimp-76470)

Shrimp Ingredients:
2 tablespoons garlic-infused olive oil (note that garlic-infused oil has the taste of garlic, but not the FODMAPS!)
About 1 pound fresh large shrimp, peeled (make sure you have about 5-6 per person)
1 lime
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon fresh parsley
1/4 teaspoon fresh thyme

Shrimp Directions:
Make the seasoning blend by combining all the spices in a small bowl.

Preheat a large skillet over medium heat.  Add oil. When hot, add the shrimp to the pan.
Cut the lime in half and squeeze each half into the pan over the shrimp. Sprinkle the entire seasoning blend over the shrimp, and give it all a good stir. Saute the shrimp for 5 to 8 minutes or until they begin to brown. Be sure to cook both sides of all the shrimp.


Friday, January 11, 2013

Comprehensive list of high/low FODMAP foods


A lot of people had comments/questions about my blog on the low-FODMAP diet, which has eliminated stomach pain for SO MANY PEOPLE.  So I thought I’d compile a comprehensive, alphabetized list of good/bad foods on this diet.  If you have stomach pain and you haven’t tried the low-FODMAP thing, you’re doing your stomach a disservice.  Do it!  It is so much easier than you think it will be. 

Let me know if there are foods you’d like to know about that are not on this list, and I’ll do some research to find out where they belong on the good/bad spectrum.  Also keep in mind that this list is NOT UNIVERSAL.  For instance, some people can do tofu, some can’t (I can't do tofu).  Some can do corn, some can’t (corn's fine for me).  Some sources say beer is ok, some don’t (I can't go anywhere near beer).  But this is a pretty good general guideline, broken down into fruits/veggies, grains/carbs, proteins/fats/nuts, sweeteners, and alcohol:   

BAD FRUITS/VEGETABLES:
Apple
Apricot
Artichokes
Asparagus
Avocado
Beans
Beets
Blackberries
Broccoli
Brussels Sprouts
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Cherries
Chickpeas
Chicory
Dried fruits
Fennel
Garlic
Green pepper
Kale(?) - not much research on this one, but I personally can't tolerate it
Leek
Lentils
Longon
Lychee
Mango
Mushrooms
Nectarine
Okra
Onion (surprisingly, this is one of the worst for many people!)
Peach
Pear
Peas
Persimmon
Plum
Prune
Radicchio lettuce
Raisins
Rambutan
Shallot
Spring onion (white part).
Snow peas
Soybeans (some people say tofu is ok, but it isn’t for a lot of people)
Sugar snap peas
Watermelon

GOOD FRUITS/VEGETABLES:
Alfalfa
Arugula
Bamboo shoots
Banana
Bean shoots
Bell pepper
Blueberries
Bok choy
Boysenberry
Cantaloupe
Carrot
Celery
Chives
Choy sum
Coconut (ok for some people)
Corn (ok for some people)
Cranberry
Cucumber
Durian
Endive
Eggplant
Ginger
Grapes
Grapefruit
Green beans
Honeydew melon
Kiwi
Lemon
Lime
Mandarin
Olives
Orange
Parsnip
Parsley
Passion fruit
Paw paw
Pineapple
Potato
Pumpkin
Radish
Raspberry
Rhubarb
Rutabaga
Scallion (green part only)
Spring Onion (green part only)
Spinach
Squash
Starfruit
Strawberry
Sweet potato
Swiss chard
Tangelo
Taro
Tomato
Turnip
Water chestnuts
Watercress
Yam
Zucchini

BAD PROTEIN AND NUTS:
Beans
Cashews
Cream
Ice Cream
Lentils
Milk
Pistachio
Yogurt

GOOD PROTEIN/FATS/NUTS (note: all nuts in moderation):
Almonds
Canola oil
Chia seeds (small quantity only)
Chicken
Eggs
Fish
Flaxseed (small quantity only)
Garlic-infused oil
Hard cheeses are ok for SOME people (not for me)
Lactose-free dairy products
Macadamia
Meat (lean meat preferable)
Olive oil
Peanuts
Pecans
Pine nuts
Pumpkin seeds
Sesame seeds
Sunflower seeds
Turkey
Walnuts

BAD GRAINS AND CARBS:
Barley (in high quantities)
Chickory
Rye
Wheat

GOOD GRAINS AND CARBS:
Barley bran (small quantities)
Buckwheat
Millet
Oats (personally, I have trouble with oats)
Potato
Quinoa
Rice
Sago
Sorgum
Tapioca

BAD SWEETENERS:
Agave
Corn syrup
Honey
Splenda
-and any sweetener ending in “…ol”

GOOD SWEETENERS:
Aspartame
Golden syrup
Treacle
Molasses
Maple syrup
Stevia 
Sugar

BAD ALCOHOL
Beer (some sources say ok, some don’t, so I think best to avoid)
Rum
Wine (sweet)

GOOD ALCOHOL
Gin
Vodka
Wine (dry) - SMALL AMOUNTS
Whiskey

Note that you may have ADDITIONAL issues with some foods that are low-FODMAP.  Like, I can’t eat hard cheeses (or any dairy) even though they’re supposedly ok…  So you can modify this list to accommodate your personal tolerances. 

This list has been compiled from several sources, including:

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Low FODMAPs – the diet that changed my IBS-enslaved life


For the first 30 years of my life I ate whatever I wanted.  I drank soda every day, and ate chocolate and bacon and potato chips with reckless abandon.  That version of myself now makes me sick.  Literally.  Because in my early 30s, I suddenly got stomach aches from almost everything I ate. 

I tried eliminating dairy, and that helped a little, but I still had chronic low-level stomach pain every day.  I tried everything – cutting out gluten, cutting out chocolate, cutting out everything but simple carbs and lean meats.  Sometimes I’d feel better for a few days, but every time the stomach pain would come back, and I’d find myself wanting to just go on an IV drip just so I could not feel stomach pain for a day.

Then a friend of mine introduced me to the low FODMAP (Fermentable Oligosaccharides, Disaccharides, Monosaccharides and Polyols) diet, developed by some Australian geniuses (see this article in the Wall Street Journal - http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204554204577023880581820726.html).  The theory is that certain TYPES of carbohydrates (but not ALL carbohydrates) are harder to digest than others.  And those difficult carbohydrates are found in only certain types of fruits, vegetables, nuts, etc.  So the theory goes that if you cut out the carbs that are hard to digest, you’ll also cut out your stomach pain. 

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I IMMEDIATELY had a complete cessation in ALL stomach pain, as long as I stuck with this diet completely.  And I’ve heard the same from other friends who’ve tried it.  If you have stomach pain and you haven’t tried this diet, you are doing yourself a disservice – I can’t recommend it highly enough. 

So, here’s the deal – you can eat some fruits (like canteloupe and less ripe bananas) but not others (like watermelon and overripe bananas).  You can eat some vegetables (like green beans and butternut squash) but not others (like broccoli and onions).  I had no idea that onions are one of the most common triggers for IBS!  It’s certainly true for me.  Anyway, most nuts are ok, but stay away from pistachios.  Don’t do ANY gluten or dairy.  Here’s a comprehensive list of foods that are good/bad: http://laurabama.blogspot.com/2013/01/comprehensive-list-of-highlow-fodmap.html .  

After you feel clean and healthy again, you can start adding in foods from the high-FODMAPs list to see which ones you can tolerate.  I’ve been able to add back in some things like mushrooms and little bits of high-FODMAPS foods, as long as the bits are truly little.

Here are some articles that elucidated for me exactly what FODMAPs are, and how they affect the gut:
These guys were responsible for discovering and disseminating info about the effects of a low FODMAP diet: http://www.med.monash.edu/cecs/gastro/fodmap/
http://stanfordhospital.org/digestivehealth/nutrition/DH-Low-FODMAP-Diet-Handout.pdf
http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/low-fodmap-diet

I truly hope that this diet makes the rounds among people with IBS, because it’s brilliant and life-changing.  Let me know if it helps you too – I’m curious to see how universal its effects are.  Good luck!