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Monday, January 21, 2013

What to eat on a Low-FODMAP diet: Grilled Polenta with Morel Vinaigrette and Garlic Lime Shrimp - recipe


Broiled Polenta with Morel Vinaigrette and Garlic Lime Shrimp

This recipe is SUPER low in FODMAPS, and it is an unbelievably delicious party dish, easy to serve to lots of people (thanks to Deny Soto for passing me the base recipe, which I’ve modified a little).  It takes about an hour to cook everything. but note that you need to make the polenta early and let it chill for a few hours before doing final steps.  

(NOTE: This is a modified, lower-FODMAP version of this recipe - http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/grilled-polenta-with-morel-vinaigrette-recipe/index.html)

Polenta Ingredients:
Earth Balance butter substitute (which is dairy-free), for greasing pan
8 cups chicken stock or veggie stock
2 cups raw polenta
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
1 cup fresh or frozen corn kernels
1 cup freshly grated lactose-free Parmesan cheese (or any similar lactose-free cheese, or you can skip this altogether)
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley leaves, plus more for garnish
1/4 cup olive oil
Salt and freshly ground pepper

Polenta Directions:
-Generously grease a large shallow baking dish and set aside. In a large saucepan, bring the chicken or veggie stock to a boil. Slowly pour in the polenta and the salt, whisking constantly with a wire whisk. Reduce the heat to low and cook, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon until thickened and smooth, about 20 to 25 minutes. Fold in the corn, lactose-free cheese, and parsley. Pour the mixture into the prepared baking dish. Cover and chill in the refrigerator at least 4 hours or overnight.
-Brush with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Broil polenta until browned. Grill on both sides until golden brown. Cut into squares. Arrange the polenta squares on a platter, add two shrimp (see below recipe) to each square, and spoon the vinaigrette (see below recipe) over. Sprinkle with chopped parsley.

Morel Vinaigrette Ingredients:
1/4 cup aged sherry vinegar
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon walnut oil
3/4 cup pure olive oil
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1/2 pound morel mushrooms, washed thoroughly and dried (Note that mushrooms are listed as high FODMAP, but they’re ok for me in small doses.  You might want to only use a FEW of these mushrooms, and chop them up super fine after they’re sautéed, so you still get the taste without too many FODMAPS J)

Morel Vinaigrette Directions:
In a blender, blend the vinegar and mustard until smooth. With the motor running, slowly add the walnut oil and 1/2 cup of the olive oil until emulsified. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Pour into a medium bowl and set aside.
Heat the remaining 1/4 cup of oil in a large saute pan over high heat. Add the mushrooms and cook until golden brown. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Remove the mushrooms from the heat and coarsely chop them. Fold the mushrooms into the vinaigrette. Spoon the vinaigrette over the grilled polenta and shrimp.
NOTE: It’s delicious to add a blended shallot to this recipe if you can handle a little bit of FODMAPS. 

GARLIC AND LIME SHRIMP

(Shrimp recipe is a modified, lower-FODMAP version of this - http://www.food.com/recipe/chilis-spicy-garlic-lime-shrimp-76470)

Shrimp Ingredients:
2 tablespoons garlic-infused olive oil (note that garlic-infused oil has the taste of garlic, but not the FODMAPS!)
About 1 pound fresh large shrimp, peeled (make sure you have about 5-6 per person)
1 lime
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon fresh parsley
1/4 teaspoon fresh thyme

Shrimp Directions:
Make the seasoning blend by combining all the spices in a small bowl.

Preheat a large skillet over medium heat.  Add oil. When hot, add the shrimp to the pan.
Cut the lime in half and squeeze each half into the pan over the shrimp. Sprinkle the entire seasoning blend over the shrimp, and give it all a good stir. Saute the shrimp for 5 to 8 minutes or until they begin to brown. Be sure to cook both sides of all the shrimp.


Friday, January 11, 2013

Comprehensive list of high/low FODMAP foods


A lot of people had comments/questions about my blog on the low-FODMAP diet, which has eliminated stomach pain for SO MANY PEOPLE.  So I thought I’d compile a comprehensive, alphabetized list of good/bad foods on this diet.  If you have stomach pain and you haven’t tried the low-FODMAP thing, you’re doing your stomach a disservice.  Do it!  It is so much easier than you think it will be. 

Let me know if there are foods you’d like to know about that are not on this list, and I’ll do some research to find out where they belong on the good/bad spectrum.  Also keep in mind that this list is NOT UNIVERSAL.  For instance, some people can do tofu, some can’t (I can't do tofu).  Some can do corn, some can’t (corn's fine for me).  Some sources say beer is ok, some don’t (I can't go anywhere near beer).  But this is a pretty good general guideline, broken down into fruits/veggies, grains/carbs, proteins/fats/nuts, sweeteners, and alcohol:   

BAD FRUITS/VEGETABLES:
Apple
Apricot
Artichokes
Asparagus
Avocado
Beans
Beets
Blackberries
Broccoli
Brussels Sprouts
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Cherries
Chickpeas
Chicory
Dried fruits
Fennel
Garlic
Green pepper
Kale(?) - not much research on this one, but I personally can't tolerate it
Leek
Lentils
Longon
Lychee
Mango
Mushrooms
Nectarine
Okra
Onion (surprisingly, this is one of the worst for many people!)
Peach
Pear
Peas
Persimmon
Plum
Prune
Radicchio lettuce
Raisins
Rambutan
Shallot
Spring onion (white part).
Snow peas
Soybeans (some people say tofu is ok, but it isn’t for a lot of people)
Sugar snap peas
Watermelon

GOOD FRUITS/VEGETABLES:
Alfalfa
Arugula
Bamboo shoots
Banana
Bean shoots
Bell pepper
Blueberries
Bok choy
Boysenberry
Cantaloupe
Carrot
Celery
Chives
Choy sum
Coconut (ok for some people)
Corn (ok for some people)
Cranberry
Cucumber
Durian
Endive
Eggplant
Ginger
Grapes
Grapefruit
Green beans
Honeydew melon
Kiwi
Lemon
Lime
Mandarin
Olives
Orange
Parsnip
Parsley
Passion fruit
Paw paw
Pineapple
Potato
Pumpkin
Radish
Raspberry
Rhubarb
Rutabaga
Scallion (green part only)
Spring Onion (green part only)
Spinach
Squash
Starfruit
Strawberry
Sweet potato
Swiss chard
Tangelo
Taro
Tomato
Turnip
Water chestnuts
Watercress
Yam
Zucchini

BAD PROTEIN AND NUTS:
Beans
Cashews
Cream
Ice Cream
Lentils
Milk
Pistachio
Yogurt

GOOD PROTEIN/FATS/NUTS (note: all nuts in moderation):
Almonds
Canola oil
Chia seeds (small quantity only)
Chicken
Eggs
Fish
Flaxseed (small quantity only)
Garlic-infused oil
Hard cheeses are ok for SOME people (not for me)
Lactose-free dairy products
Macadamia
Meat (lean meat preferable)
Olive oil
Peanuts
Pecans
Pine nuts
Pumpkin seeds
Sesame seeds
Sunflower seeds
Turkey
Walnuts

BAD GRAINS AND CARBS:
Barley (in high quantities)
Chickory
Rye
Wheat

GOOD GRAINS AND CARBS:
Barley bran (small quantities)
Buckwheat
Millet
Oats (personally, I have trouble with oats)
Potato
Quinoa
Rice
Sago
Sorgum
Tapioca

BAD SWEETENERS:
Agave
Corn syrup
Honey
Splenda
-and any sweetener ending in “…ol”

GOOD SWEETENERS:
Aspartame
Golden syrup
Treacle
Molasses
Maple syrup
Stevia 
Sugar

BAD ALCOHOL
Beer (some sources say ok, some don’t, so I think best to avoid)
Rum
Wine (sweet)

GOOD ALCOHOL
Gin
Vodka
Wine (dry) - SMALL AMOUNTS
Whiskey

Note that you may have ADDITIONAL issues with some foods that are low-FODMAP.  Like, I can’t eat hard cheeses (or any dairy) even though they’re supposedly ok…  So you can modify this list to accommodate your personal tolerances. 

This list has been compiled from several sources, including:

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Low FODMAPs – the diet that changed my IBS-enslaved life


For the first 30 years of my life I ate whatever I wanted.  I drank soda every day, and ate chocolate and bacon and potato chips with reckless abandon.  That version of myself now makes me sick.  Literally.  Because in my early 30s, I suddenly got stomach aches from almost everything I ate. 

I tried eliminating dairy, and that helped a little, but I still had chronic low-level stomach pain every day.  I tried everything – cutting out gluten, cutting out chocolate, cutting out everything but simple carbs and lean meats.  Sometimes I’d feel better for a few days, but every time the stomach pain would come back, and I’d find myself wanting to just go on an IV drip just so I could not feel stomach pain for a day.

Then a friend of mine introduced me to the low FODMAP (Fermentable Oligosaccharides, Disaccharides, Monosaccharides and Polyols) diet, developed by some Australian geniuses (see this article in the Wall Street Journal - http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204554204577023880581820726.html).  The theory is that certain TYPES of carbohydrates (but not ALL carbohydrates) are harder to digest than others.  And those difficult carbohydrates are found in only certain types of fruits, vegetables, nuts, etc.  So the theory goes that if you cut out the carbs that are hard to digest, you’ll also cut out your stomach pain. 

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I IMMEDIATELY had a complete cessation in ALL stomach pain, as long as I stuck with this diet completely.  And I’ve heard the same from other friends who’ve tried it.  If you have stomach pain and you haven’t tried this diet, you are doing yourself a disservice – I can’t recommend it highly enough. 

So, here’s the deal – you can eat some fruits (like canteloupe and less ripe bananas) but not others (like watermelon and overripe bananas).  You can eat some vegetables (like green beans and butternut squash) but not others (like broccoli and onions).  I had no idea that onions are one of the most common triggers for IBS!  It’s certainly true for me.  Anyway, most nuts are ok, but stay away from pistachios.  Don’t do ANY gluten or dairy.  Here’s a comprehensive list of foods that are good/bad: http://laurabama.blogspot.com/2013/01/comprehensive-list-of-highlow-fodmap.html .  

After you feel clean and healthy again, you can start adding in foods from the high-FODMAPs list to see which ones you can tolerate.  I’ve been able to add back in some things like mushrooms and little bits of high-FODMAPS foods, as long as the bits are truly little.

Here are some articles that elucidated for me exactly what FODMAPs are, and how they affect the gut:
These guys were responsible for discovering and disseminating info about the effects of a low FODMAP diet: http://www.med.monash.edu/cecs/gastro/fodmap/
http://stanfordhospital.org/digestivehealth/nutrition/DH-Low-FODMAP-Diet-Handout.pdf
http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/low-fodmap-diet

I truly hope that this diet makes the rounds among people with IBS, because it’s brilliant and life-changing.  Let me know if it helps you too – I’m curious to see how universal its effects are.  Good luck!  

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My favorite things this week

And now for a completely different blog post, my favorite things this week:

1. This video of twin 11-month-olds dancing to a guitar is one of the best things I've ever seen.  And I'm not one of those people who thinks that absolutely everything babies do is cute.  Watch this unless you're afraid to smile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to7uIG8KYhg&feature=share

2. Flight of the Conchords bring it once again, in a song with lyrics supplied by 5-year-olds.  Genius: http://mashable.com/2012/08/26/conchords-cure-kids/ .

3.  Lately I've realized that I have an inexplicable fondness for squirrels, so this story made me almost faint from the cuteness: http://www.examiner.com/article/animals-and-their-human-friends-the-soldier-and-the-squirrel  

4. Below wild squirrel is one of the primary sources of my obsession.  She comes to hang out with me whenever I'm in the area.  Eeeek!


Friday, August 24, 2012

On whether all authors need to write short stories


So, the first draft of my second novel is done (!!!), two brillitantissimus friends are reading/editing for me (thank youuuu Dana and Jill!), and now I have to figure out what to do next [*she trembles*].  Methinks I should try to conquer the world of traditional publishing [*she takes deep breath, downs her whiskey*].  As I previously blogged, the odds getting a novel published are only slightly better than the odds of me becoming a natural blonde.  But whatever. 

One thing evvvverybody says it’s important to mention in a query letter is where you’ve been published.  And apparently, that means “traditionally” published.  I gather that agents will find my history in self-publishing as impressive as a cardboard house.

Hmmm.  So.  Now I’m thinking I need learn how to write a kickass short story and then get it published somewhere, STAT.  Which I’m thinking might have slightly better odds than novel publishing or natural blonding.  I found this amazing site that lists all kinds of short story contests and grants for authors: http://www.pw.org/grants?sort=asc&order=Deadline&apage=*&perpage=*

But I’d love any additional suggestions anyone has about where to publish a story.  Alternatively, I’m open to suggestions re: who to bribe to just get my arse published already, because this publishing world is a monster.  And not a cute cartoony monster.  

Ok, mwwwah, happy weekend, you are cute.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

In Which I Analyze The Grammar of Eminem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhsA5t7RxAo
Vlog above, in which I comment on the grammar of four rappers in Eminem’s “No One’s Iller Than Me.”  I have a feeling Eminem is really smart, but he likes to hide that fact, like a teenage cheerleader trying to seem dumb to seem cool.

See below for written version, in case videos burn your eyes!

Twitter: http://twitter.com/ShadowSwanShadow Swans website: www.shadowswans.comBuy Shadow Swans for 99 cents and make me rich: http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Swans-ebook/dp/B0056C414I

In which I analyze the Grammar of Eminem


Below, I grade and edit the grammar of four rappers in Eminem’s “No One’s Iller Than Me.” (Vlog link above)  I have a feeling Eminem is really smart, but he likes to hide that fact, like a teenaged cheerleader trying to seem dumb to seem cool.  My grades:

Bizarre – A-
Fuzz – A-
Swift – D-
Eminem – F

Eminem
"No One's Iller Than Me"
(feat. Swift, Bizarre & Fuzz)

No one's iller than me
I am
[Eminem- you’d say “No one’s iller than I am,” so if you take off the “am,” you still have to say “No one’s iller than I.”  Maybe you could add “damn” after “313,” to preserve the rhyme?  But now that I think about it, “damn” is such weak profanity.  You’re such a wordsmith, I’m sure you can come up with something much stronger and more appropriate.]
No one, no one is iller than me
I am
No one is iller than me
I am
It's Mr. Swifty from the 313
(damn?)...

[Swift]
I make rappers wanna turn into singers
I keep hoes lickin' they
their fingers
[Swift – WHY do rappers insist on using personal pronouns as possessive pronouns?  Hoes lick THEIR fingers, not THEY fingers.]
Bring this competition and face this meanin'
 
Got your whole crew doing subpeonas
Hell nah you ain't seen a crew genius
Murder whoever's between us, pack your heaters
Keep it close, you can't beat us
While your whole crew treat
s us like G's, [Why must you conjugate a plural noun with a singular verb? The crew TREATS you like G’s.]
you best believe this
I done made quadrapalegics outta these non-rappin rejects
[“done made”?  Now you just sound like you’re from Deliverance country]
While the whole world ejects your tape, it
’s ain't no secret
That your shit sounds fake, you can't stop it my mind state
Makes it too late for cops in tryin' to stop the crime rate
I'm like Two-Face, I'm painful to rappers then you can tell
From these shells, how I gotta bend 'em like route canals
I erase all trails, somethin' farther from gettin' bail
Makes you wanna kill an emcee yourself, you might as well
Be within a 25 to life sentence, on linkin' trials
Horrified, and keep on frontin', repentin' and lose they bowels
[Lose THEIR bowels, Swift!  They lose THEIR bowels!]
Everything is foul when Swift's around, vacate now
Niggas dumb enough to try to front and escape, how?
I'm gonna take this 'gnac and drink it straight wild
[Swift – I do love your use of “‘gnac” here.  Brillz]
Niggas steady fallin' in my face like milk crates, BLAAAOW!

[Bizarre]
Me and Eminem and Mike
Drivin' down Van Dyke
Get my dick sucked late at night by a fuckin' transvestite
Still on probation for stranglin' my boy Jason
Should be takin' my medication, it's 9 to 10 I'm facin'
Last week this old man I had to blast
Cuz he tried to help me out when my car was out of gas
Ripped this old lady, hung her neck by a hook
Didn't realize it was my grandmother 'til I checked her pocketbook
Fuckin' with the white boys got me back on crack
Better explain where the hell your TVs and VCRs is at
I done lost 100 pounds, I ain't
haven’t been eatin' like I should
This wounded dog in the street is sure lookin' good!
Rob this little boy in his fuckin' paper route
 
Throwin' bottles at day care centers and yell "EVERYBODY GET OUT"!
My girl beat my ass and shot me in the back with a 2-piece
Cuz she found out I was havin' an affair with her 10-year old niece
[Eminem – Bizarre has better grammar than you do]

[Eminem]
Nobody better test me, cuz I don't wanna get messy
Especially when I step inside this bitch, dick freshly
[I’m not sure what “dick freshly” means, so I’ll let this one slide]
New Lugz, give the crew hugs, guzzle two mugs
Before I do drugs that make me throw up like flu bugs
True thugs, rugged unshaven messy scrubs
Whippin' 40-bottles like the fuckin' Pepsi clubs
Down a fifth, crack open a six
I'm on my seventh 8-ball, now I gotta take a piss
I'm hollerin' at these hoes that got
have boyfriends
[Eminem – it should be “hoes that have boyfriends” or “hoes that have got boyfriends”]
Who gives a fuck who they was
were
[Really, Eminem?  I think you know it should be “who they were.”]
I'm always takin' someone else's girl like Cool J does
They probably don't be
aren’t packin' anyways, do are they Fuzz?
[ok, now I think you’re just trying to sound cool by sounding stupid, like a 13-year-old cheerleader might do.  That’s just pathetic.  Did you REALLY think it should be “They don’t be packin’”?  Or did you just want to sound as stupid as possible?  I think the latter.  Shame on you, Eminem.]
We walked up, stomped they
their asses and blew they their buzz
Mics get sandblasted
Stab your abdomen with a hand
-crafted [you forgot the hyphen there.  NBD.] pocketknife and spill your antacid
Sprayed your motherfuckin' crib up when I ran past it
Fuckin' felon, headed to hell in a handbasket
Talkin' shit will get you, your girl and your man blasted
Kidnapped and slapped in a van wrapped in Saran plastic
Get your damn ass kicked, by these fantastic
Furious four motherfuckers
Flashin' in front of your face without the Grand Masters

[Fuzz]
I run shit like an ass with legs
Massive lead to leave your cabbage red
Similar to your ass in a casket dead
Drastic spread of acid heads
Come to abort you like a bastard egg
That trash you said got you standin' on plastic legs
Ask the feds from past the edge
Rockin' the most classic threads
Flashin' bread, roll down the window
Bitch you
’ve got some fantastic legs, you can get 'til that ass get red
You can get 'til that ass get red
Bizarre you get him and him, Swift you get him and him
I'll get him and him, leave the other two for my nigga Eminem
Never writer's block, I block writers
My block's tighter, ante up and get your top fighters
Got fired for jumpin' the counter with a mop stick
Some bitch ran up screamin' GET THE COPS QUICK!
And got drop kicked, now she
’s screamin' "Stop it..."
Got clips to stop shit, rock shit and grab this hot shit
Wherever you shop bitch, Fuzz Scooter '97 crop pick
Sick a-ya'll niggaz lookin' at me like I got tits
I shoot a rocket through your optic
You niggaz still don't know the top pick?
I
’ve got bricks, lose my foot in your ass
And have you shittin' socks bitch!
We rock shit, leave your fuckin' knot split
Grab the green from Al by showin' him hot grits
(No one...)
[Eminem - overall, Fuzz has much better grammar than you as well]

[Bizzare]
It's the Mr. Fuzzy from the 313
No one, no one is iller than me
I am
It's Eminem and Swift from the 313
No one, no one is iller than me
I am
It's Fuzz and Buzz-arre from the 313



Twitter: http://twitter.com/ShadowSwan
Shadow Swans website: www.shadowswans.com
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